


Little b

by Cear_IK



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Foul Langugage, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8698477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cear_IK/pseuds/Cear_IK
Summary: Sans and Papyrus move into a duplex about a year after everyone reaches the Surface. However, their neighbor is rude, grumpy, and definitely NOT named Bailey like she told them when she introduced herself. Despite being lied to, Sans isn't quite sure what to make of his prickly, insincere, yet hard-working neighbor.Meanwhile, a vigilante-esque lone wolf has taking the various mobs in the city by storm. Nicknamed "Blade" by both cops and criminals for their habit of leaving a hiltless knife at the scene of their work, they've laid down a new law in their territory: No murdering of innocent skelly-rolls. And the mobs, already disliking Blade's various other moral rules, are now actively displeased.Inspired by "Shattered Plates" by cutiepiejane and the movie "Accountant".Critiquing is appreciated.





	1. Meet and don't Greet

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is my first time posting here, and my second time writing a fanfic. Second time posting my work, ever, actually. Criticism is appreciated, and comments help fill me with determination, so please comment, even if it's to say hi!  
> Shout out to cutiepiejane for writing the fic that gave me the idea to start this! Thanks to SansyFresh and Spectascopes for inspiring me in general. Their stuff is awesome and fluffy! Check it out.  
> Undertale is owned and created by the fabulous Toby Foxx

**9:00am**

Eyes pop open.

 

The woman stayed still, her heart beating swiftly as she silently tried to identify what woke her.

 

Fight... or Flight?

 

The sound comes again, identified as loud shouting, barely muffled by the dividing wall of the duplex. Oh. The new neighbors move in today.

 

ACT: Fight

 

The loud voice continued as the woman pulled on a robe and slipped on her slippers. She didn't plan on staying out long, and once the decible level had been lowered she planned on possibly - hopefully - going back to sleep. If only for an hour. 

When she calmly walked out her door, she saw a tall skeleton -  _He must be close to seven feet_ , she mused - berating a shorter one. Loudly. Not particularly strange- monsters have been out for about a year. 

The boxes tell her that yes, these monsters are indeed her new neighbors. The sheer volume of the tall one tells her that they may not be her neighbors for long.

 

The tall one notices her first. 

 

"HUMAN! IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET-"

"Shut up." The coldness in her quiet voice cuts through his loud one. The smaller of the two skeletons stiffened. "I apologize for how blunt I am about to be, but frankly, you woke me up, and I wake up cranky, so here are the rules: until the soundproofing in the dividing wall is installed in about a week, no shouting before 10am."

"or what? not like we can get a _rest_ ed for being loud." The deep, slightly aggressive voice comes from behind her, and she startles, whipping through a half-turn and taking a half-step back so she could keep an eye on both skeletons and her back to a wall. She had been aware that she had somehow lost track of the smaller skeleton while she was talking to the taller one, but what she wasn't aware of was how he snuck up on her. She was  _very_ hard to sneak around.

"You are correct," She replied, now speaking to the angry shorty. "However, I would appreciate the courtesy of it because not everyone has a day schedule. As for consequences..." She smiled. " I know the owner." The smile was not a friendly one. The shorter skeleton scowled, while the taller one simply watched the other two with a worried expression.

"so what?" the cranky skeleton snarled. "just because we woke you up from your beauty rest gives you the right to snap at my brother and threaten us? or is volume the true bone of contention here?"

"BROTHER!" The tall skeleton exclaimed. The woman simply sighed. 

"I understand why you may suspect me of being secretly racist, but I truly only have issue with the volume, seeing as I've had only..." She paused to think a moment. "Let's round up and call it four hours, of sleep, and by this time I have to be officially awake in an hour, so it's not like I can get any more."

"I'M SO SORRY HUMAN!" the tall skeleton gushed, interrupting his apparent brother before the shorter had a chance to speak. "I APOLOGIZE FOR WAKING YOU AND FOR SANS' RUDENESS! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS! AND HE IS MY LAZYBONES BROTHER SANS!" The newly named Sans closed his mouth, still scowling. The 'Great Papyrus' held out his hand enthusiastically, but the woman declined to shake it, instead inclining her head towards each brother politely. 

"Namaste, Great Papyrus. Greetings, Sans. Welcome to 21b Baker Street. I hope you enjoy your stay, and that soundproofing arrives in a timely manner, for your sakes as well as mine. My apologies, Papyrus, but I do not believe that you are much of a quiet person. Perhaps the owner can expedite- it should help in improving our neighborly relation..." She got a distant look in her eyes. "What time is it?" she asked rather abruptly.

"uhh..." the two skeletons shared a look with eachother for a moment. "nine thirty" Sans rumbled reluctantly. The woman sighed and rubbed her hands over her face in a weary gesture. 

"No more chance to sleep, then." She brightened with obviously false cheer, clapping her hands together. "Well then! This was a less than auspicious beginning. Perhaps we should arrange to meet later in a more genial environment. I, however, have errands I need to run and a job I need to prepare for. I'm up anyway, so I may as well start early."

"THAT'S ALRIGHT, HUMAN! PERHAPS YOU COULD JOIN MY BROTHER AND I FOR MY FAMOUS FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI FOR DINNER!" Papyrus chirped. Sans looked irritated, like he was about to protest, but the woman spoke before he could.

"Again, I apologize Papyrus, but I won't be able to attend." she replied, with a sideways look towards Sans that let him know that she knew that she wasn't  _really_ invited. "Sadly, I have work." He snorted in disbelief. 

"OH... UNTIL WHEN? MAYBE WE CAN MEET AFTER YOUR WORK?" Sans' eyesockets narrowed as he noticed the humans' weight shift uncomfortably at his bro's question.

"Five." She said abruptly. "I stop working at five." Sans' eyesockets narrowed even further, his scowl deepening. 

"THEN WHY WOULD YOU STILL BE WORKING DURING DINNER...?" Papyrus asked, confused, trailing off when the woman started shaking her head. 

"Not five in the evening, Papyrus." Sans' eyesockets began to widen, realizing what she meant even before she completed what she was saying. "I stop working at five in the morning." The younger skeletons' look of surprise was extremely exaggerated. 

"oh," he said in a small voice, clearly shocked.

"Yes, 'oh'" She sighed, looking slightly amused. "Maybe I'll be able to join you for brunch sometime, though." Despite his own shock, Sans still seemed irritated by the idea of his new neighbor eating with them at anytime of the day. The woman visibly collected herself before inclining her head at each of them again. "Well then, if you'll excuse me, I must start my day." She turned, stepping delicately around Sans to make her way back inside her half of the building.

"WAIT!" Papyrus called out before she could close her door. "YOU KNOW THE NAMES OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND HIS BROTHER SANS, BUT WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU?" The woman pushed her door back open and seemed to think for a moment, before her face lit up in an amused smirk.

"You can call me Bailey."

* * *

**9:45am**

Sans scowled at the closed door, his brother gushing behind him. That human had taken  _way_ too long to think of a name and she seemed far too amused with herself when she finally did. There was no way that her name was real. And he didn't trust her near-constant faint smile- it reminded him of his own perma-grin, and that was as real as her name.  _Bailey_. What was up with that, anyway?

"URGH! SANS, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME AT ALL?!"

"sure bro" Sans replied with an easy grin.

"THEN WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" the younger skeleton asked skeptically.

"what did i just say?" 

"SANS!" Papyrus exclaimed in frustration. Sans just grinned. Tortur- cough -  _teasing_ his bro was one of his few guilty pleasures in life, he had to admit. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud. 

"SANS! MOVING WILL TAKE FOREVER IF YOU DON'T HELP! YOU CAN'T NAP IF THE COUCH ISN'T SET UP, LAZYBONES!" Sans chuckled.

 

Damn. His lil' Bro really was the best.

* * *

**9:45am**

'Bailey' sighed, leaning against the closed door behind her. Those skeletons were going to give her problems. The tall one - Papyrus - was an absolute innocent cinnamon bun. It made it hard to stay angry at him, even short on sleep as she was. She didn't think he'd be able to keep the volume down, even for just a week. Such a damn shame. 

The other skeleton - Sans - though... He worried Bailey. He was too observant, too suspicious, and absolutely no one had ever been able to sneak up on her before. She didn't blame him for being suspicious of her, but his perceptive nature was going to be a problem for her. Maybe she should... encourage the two to move somewhere else. But if they moved away from her, did they have anywhere else to go? She didn't think the monsters would have moved into her duplex if they had had a choice, especially since the duplex was situated on the border between the good and bad parts of town. Really, the only good things about the duplex was how close to the business district it was... and its' owner. Few tenants stuck around long enough to discover the latter benefit though. Attracted to the relatively low rent, they were driven off by their neighbor- her. If she didn't drive them out, the owner would at her request. She hadn't yet found a housemate she could live with, and she doubted that the loud and suspicious skeletons would last either. But if not housemates with her... then where? Maybe she could talk with the owner about starting the soundproofing sooner... She chuckled at her own joke. 

* * *

**10:03pm**

Steps dragging, feet hurting, smelling like butter, Bailey dragged herself up the steps of the shared porch. Ten hours of constant customer service wore on her. Ten hours of constant customer service standing on her feet completely wiped her out. Yet her night wasn't even half over. 

"early night?" Bailey inhaled deeply, asking for patience, then exhaled before turning around. The smaller skeleton - Sans - was standing on the monsters' side of the porch, watching her. "i thought you didn't stop working until five am?"

"I don't." She flashed her best customer service smile before quickly fleeing through her door. Leaning back against the door, she took a moment to groan in relief. Despite the crowd being light at the theater that day, she had had a long day, and a few unruly customers more than made up for the fewer customers stress-wise. She did not need a smart-alek too-observant skeleton adding to her problems. Bailey checked her watch. Twenty minutes. Sighing, she started toward her room to start preparing for her next job, stripping as she did so. 

* * *

**10:25pm**

Sans scowled at the door his new neighbor had disappeared behind little more than twenty minutes ago. She had looked so...  _worn_ , so he could understand not wanting to hang with his energetic bro after work (and she was rather late), but she didn't have to tell such... such an exaggerated lie. Ten in the evening was no where near five in the morning and-

His thoughts were cut off when the door he was glaring at re-opened. Only, instead of seeing the worn and weary youth he had seen drag themselves  _in_ the door, a stunning, undeniably female beauty glided  _out_ of the door.

"..."

Sans rubbed his eyes-sockets. He himself had been up longer than he probably should have, so perhaps he was seeing things.

 

Nope.

 

When he looked again, she was still there. And now she was looking at him.

"What are you still doing out here, Sans?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. She waited a beat before sighing softly. "Take a picture, it lasts longer." Although the tone was sharp, the expression betrayed her amusement. Sans realized his jaw was gaping and promptly shut it with a click. 

"...how...?" She held up one perfectly manicured hand, shushing him. 

"Remember Sans, I'm still on the clock. However, it would be bad for both of us - me especially - if we were seen together. My next clients can be a bit... vindictive, and I need the job. So is there a way you could hide from the prejudiced pricks, please?" The smile on her face was kind and gentle, amiable even. The only indicator of her true emotion was the cold, cutting tone she let slip when she described her 'clients'. Sans narrowed his eyesockets at her before slowly pulling his hood up and stuffing his hands in his pockets. With his eyelights dimmed and his face covered by his hood and the shadows, and his body hidden by his clothes, he could pass for human, albeit a short one. 

And just in time, too. Sans watched a limo pull up in front of the duplex. 

"Well then Sans, perhaps I'll see you tomorrow. Good night and deep rest." Bailey's voice was deep and melodious, much more feminine than her usual voice- or at least the voice she had used with him before. It fit this beautiful and graceful version of her. She almost floated down the steps of the porch and across the lawn, inclining her head towards him in passing. Dammit, he needed to figure out what she meant when she did that... Or anything else about her. Clearly, anything she showed him or the rest of the world was fake, a mask to hide her true self. He of all people should know. He watches her stop by the passenger window and speak with the person in the seat before accepting an envelope of something from them. He watches her get into the back of the limo as the window rolls back up, and watches as the limo smoothly pulls away, carrying Bailey with it. No... He can't get a good read on Bailey. She is an enigma and a mystery all wrapped into one, and he doesn't trust that. He doesn't trust her. 

 

But...

 

Maybe she really did work hard. It didn't seem as if getting all dolled up and getting into the limo was the start of 'fun times', if her tone from before was any indication, and she had called them 'clients'. Sans wasn't naive, and he wasn't stupid, and made the connection soon enough. An 'escort' then, and if the limo and the quality of the clothes (and of her) were any indication, a high-class escort at that... Probably the kind that only rich bachelors and politicians were able to hire... Sans didn't like it, and by the way she had spoken, he didn't think Bailey enjoyed it either. But she had said she needed the job...

 Upset, and unsure of exactly  _why_ , Sans teleported into his bedroom, landing on his bare mattress, staring at the ceiling and waiting for sleep to take him. 

 

When Sans stumbled into the living room the next morning, Papyrus was in the kitchen making breakfast spaghetti. Sans plopped himself on the couch and turned the TV on, catching the news in the middle of a story.

 

_-these men, suspected of being members of a local gang, were apprehended last night and now reside in police custody. Police say that they have obtained evidence linking the men to the dusting of an icecap and the attempted dusting of a fire elemental last week. The men are facing charges of murder and attempted murder and will be due in court next week. Now for the weather with-_

 

Sans stared. Well. That was new.


	2. HUMANS! In the early morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really surprised that I got kudos. Thank you guys so so much! That being said...
> 
>  
> 
> eh heheh... don't kill me

**4:30am**

Papyrus was so excited! So excited, in fact, that he had gotten up earlier than the sun (and FAR earlier than his lazybones brother), so he could go grocery shopping. Moving had gone well, and he and Sans were finally settled, so now it was finally time to make friends with the human neighbor! He was going to make his signature friendship spaghetti and invite the human over for brunch. Hopefully the meal would also cheer up Sans. Even though Sans said he was fine, the way he was acting told Papyrus that his brother was upset. Perhaps it had something to do with how grumpy Sans was being towards their new neighbor? If that was the case, he hoped that the two would talk out their differences and bond over his friendship spaghetti! Then Sans wouldn't be upset anymore and they could have another friend! But in order to make his friendship spaghetti, he had to have ingredients, thus his early-morning trip to the grocery store. Papyrus tried to whistle as he walked, something tiny human Frisk had introduced him to. Eventually he'd get the hang of it!

* * *

**4:48am**

Despite focusing on his continued attempts to whistle, and being an excellent (former) Royal Guard (trainee), Papyrus was aware when several humans approached him from the shadows. When those humans blocked his way forward he stopped, turning to put his back to a wall.

"HELLO HUMANS!" he said in his normal voice (which everyone else insisted was shouting). "HOW MAY I HELP YOU?" and then, letting his enthusiasm get the best of him: "DO ALL OF YOU WISH TO BE MY FRIENDS?"

"Oh, we wish to be friends with you alright... Friends with your dust!" one of the humans cackled with a scary grin. The other humans cackled too, one of them exclaiming "That was terrible!". Papyrus didn't like this. These humans' grins were scary, not like his brother's at  _all_ , and-

 

The humans pulled out knives and one or two even had a crowbar. 

 

"HUMANS, PLEASE! IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE GOING DOWN A DANGEROUS PATH, BUT EVERYONE CAN BE A GREAT PERSON IF THEY TRY! PERHAPS IF WE WERE TO TALK ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS, WE COULD CHANGE THIS AND BECOME FRIENDS!" The humans started chuckling. 

"Look at this freak, thinks we can be 'friends'!" one of them called out, to more cackling. "Oh, we're gonna talk alright... Talk with our weapons!" The would-be joker called to Papyrus while his friends just laughed harder. Papyrus didn't like this  _at all_ , these humans were really scary and being really mean and-

 

There was a blinding flash of light and a large pop as the streetlight overhead blew out. 

 

"What the-"  
"FUCK!"  
"What just-"  
"SHIT!"  
"Who-"

The humans erupted into shouting chaos. Papyrus stood with his book to the wall, disorientated by the abrupt change. It was the wrong choice.

"This is your fault, you freak!" The human that had been jeering at him chucked his weapon at Papyrus, the crowbar smashing into Papyrus' skull. Papyrus felt intense pain... and then felt nothing more.

* * *

**5:00am**

The light flickered back into life, illuminating several bodies and a few pools of blood, but otherwise no signs that the gang was ever there. A blade with no handle pinned the handles of the grocerybags to the ground.

* * *

**5:00am**

Sans was woken by violent banging on his front door. He waited for them to give up and go away, but the longer he waited, the more violent the banging became. He started to worry that whoever it was was going to break the stars-damned door down, so he took a shortcut to the front hall. 

"alright, alright, don't get your pants in a twist" he grumbled, starting to wonder where his brother was. All the commotion should have woken Papyrus. If he wasn't already awake. Whoever it was continued to hammer on the door as he was undoing the locks. Grumbling to himself, he opened the door and-

something fell into him- no, some _one_ - 

**_PAPYRUS!_   **

Blood- he's bleeding- help- ringing-

his phone. The ringtone was Toriel's.

Toriel- heal! help- oh  _stars_ ,  ** _PAPYRUS!_**

Toriel's voice-  
and then he was taking a shortcut, teleporting to Toriel, bringing his brother to the person who could heal him, in the hope that  _this_ time, this time he could be in time, get there in time,  _this_ time he could save his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... sorry to leave off there, but the chapter I was writing was getting really, really long, and I wasn't sure when I was going to finish it, and this was the best place to break it off. On the bright side, I already have a large chunk of chapter three already written out, just had to paste it in and reformat it. I don't yet know how large that chunk is percentage-wise in reference to chapter three yet...
> 
> UPDATE: I'm debating merging this chapter with chapter 3 when I post it. Sorry about the delay on the next chapter- there's a skeleTON of dialogue and it's giving so many problems (sorry, Sans is rubbing off on me). Also working through the holidays, so I don't exactly have vacation time to write (typing this at 1:30am). However, progress has been made! And things are almost drawing to a close. Thanks very much for the support. Mind the tags! They will change.
> 
> UPDATE (1/4/17): I can't find the merge button anymore... If it ever existed. Maybe I saw the "manage" button and thought that was it? Oh well. I guess this will never be united with its' other half... Just going through and fixing small errors after I posted ch 5.


	3. . . . What

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post this like this for several reasons:  
> \- it was taking too long  
> \- I want chapters to be on a by-day basis (but not daily)  
> \- I'm taking advantage of another good break in the arc  
> \- according to Microsoft Word, this will double the wordcount the fic already has.
> 
> This is posted from my phone, so please point out any errors! This chapter gave me a really hard time, glad to finally have it up.

**10:00am**

Bailey woke with her alarm, hair still wet from the shower she had taken when she had gotten home. She didn't like what showering before bed did to her hair, but she had been too exhausted to care when she had fallen into bed that morning, and she had really needed that shower. An extremely long day, rude customers and pushy clients, and then a busy night after that was enough to make her sleep like the dead. Heh.

Speaking of the dead - or rather, of skeletons - it was after ten am, she should be hearing the youngster soon....

Silence.

Well, that was unusual and unexpected. Almost worrying. Bailey had gotten used to hearing the loud skeleton during her morning routine. Surprisingly, Papyrus had (for the most part) kept his voice to himself before her wake-up time like she'd asked, but anytime after was fair game. Occasionally she'd have to remind him that she also lived there too and keep the noise down. These times only happened when the young skeleton got too excited. The owner had already expedited the soundproofing- all she had to do was break the news to her neighbors. Again, speaking of neighbors...

 

The silence was really starting to disturb her.

 

Not like there wasn't a reason for it.

 

Aw hell. There was no way that she had grown accepting of the skelly-roll. It was just the silence that was bothering her after she had acclimatized to it. That was all. She'd just go over and check. She had to break the news about the soundproofing after all.

It took her a while to get a response when she started knocking on the door, but she wouldn't stop rapping the door politely every minute or so until she got one. Still, it was some time before someone opened the door.

"Oh! Hello my child. May I help you?" A goat-woman opened the door, smiling down at Bailey. Seeing as Bailey was only about five feet tall (around the same height as Sans), it was slightly understandable that the woman make the assumption, but Bailey wasn't a child, nor was she wearing the stripes that designated children in monster culture.

"I'm not a child. Is everyone alright?" The monster in the doorway just looked at her, debating on what to actually do. Lucky for her, she didn't have to debate long.

"let her in, tori." Sans sounded... drained. When 'Tori' moved out of the doorway, Bailey finally caught sight of the skeleton. He looked worse than he sounded, with deep dark bags under his eyes and an exhausted, worried expression on his face that even Bailey knew did not suit him. 

"Hey" she said softly, gently, going over and to where he was sitting on the couch and kneeling down in front of him.

"Everyone okay?" Sans just stared at her, like he was looking through her. 'Tori' sighed.

"Sans, I will make some tea. Perhaps try to drink it. My child, my name is Toriel. May I inquire as to yours?"

"My name is Bailey-"

"no it's not" Sans was staring at her. Bailey inclined her head toward him with a small smile. 

"Let me rephrase that. You can call me Bailey."

"Bailey is a wonderful name. Justice, I believe it means?" Toriel replied. Bailey smiled.

"Actually, the name Bailey used to be the title of a law enforcement job, like a sheriff or a police lieutenant." Sans' brow bone rose as Toriel smiled and left to make tea. 

"so that's why you were so proud of yourself when you gave us that name to use for you. you do like your rules, after all." Bailey smirked, and Sans' eyesockets narrowed again. 

"In part, yes." Her face fell into a more serious expression. "Now, will you answer my question? Is everyone alright?" Sans' face fell again.

"... my bro was attacked last night.

"Is he safe?" Sans shot her a look she couldn't interpret.

"....... Papyrus is stable... now..." Toriel re-entered the room with three cups of tea.

"Papyrus had a cracked skull and his HP had dropped really low. It took a while, but he is stable now and his HP stopped dropping. All he needs now is lots of rest and monster food. His own healing ability should do the rest." Sans did not look comforted, but Bailey stood and nodded.

"Well, my original purpose for coming over here was to tell you that the soundproofing has been expedited, but that the three of us would have to move elsewhere for a few days while they tear the walls down and build in the soundproofing. With your permission, though, I'll ask the owner to make a few calls and have the soundproofing done now, and the three of us can take a vacation. It sounds like the two of you need it." Sans stared at her. Toriel looked back and forth between the two. 

"thanks for the offer, but i don't think Paps should be moved-"

"As long as Papyrus gets proper bed rest and eats healthily and regularly, he should be fine. I don't see an issue if he gets that rest here or elsewhere." Sans scowled at Toriel for rebuking his excuse. Bailey just smiled and sat next to sans to e on his eye level again. 

"Sans" she started in that same gentle voice. "I may not have one, but I know how important family is. Papyrus will be safe... and two people watching is better than one. Besides, he isn't the only one who needs lots of bedrest. You look like you haven't slept in centuries." Sans just stared at her in suspicion. Toriel looked between the two before sighing.

"Sans... I agree with Bailey. You... Everyone is worried about you. I think a few days of rest with your brother would be good for you." It was Bailey's turn to look back and forth between faces. When neither moved or spoke for a couple of minutes, she clapped her hands and spoke cheerfully to break the tension.

"Well! Now that that's been decided, we should get ready!" Sans stared at her, eyesockets widening in startled alarm. Toriel, too, looked startled, but then her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Bailey ignored both of them, instead pulling out her phone and starting a call.

"Hello? Yes, I am calling on behalf of Blom Private Limited about the soundproofing of a duplex? Hi! Yes, we spoke earlier. Well, something came up; Is it possible to reschedule the soundproofing even earlier? Yes. One of the tenants was assaulted and seriously injured, and the owner was wondering if, since the tenants would have to vacate the premises while the soundproofing was going in, if it could coincide with the recovery time. The other tenant doesn't care. Yes? Thank you very much! Thank you! Have a good day!" Ignoring Sans' growing incredulity and Toriel's confused expression (she was watching Sans), Bailey flipped the phone sideways and started typing. Finally Sans seemed to get over his shock.

"wha-" He was interrupted by Bailey's upheld hand as she started a call one-handedly.

"Hello? Yes, I'm calling on behalf of Blom Private Limited? I'd like to book a suite? Yes please. Two rooms. And- oh yes please! I was about to ask for that. Can you please make sure that there is a large TV with an HDMI cable? Thank you. Ah, can you please hold a moment? Thank you." With one hand still forestalling Sans and the other pressing her phone to her chest to muffle the speaker, she turned to Toriel. "Can Papyrus move between a bed and the couch? I can ask them to set up the bed in the main room, but I think that Papyrus would go a little stir-crazy if he didn't get  _some_ sort of exercise." Toriel nodded, bemused, and Bailey went back to her phone call (still holding her hand in front of Sans, still forestalling the outburst evidently growing on his face). "Hello? Yes. Thank you for waiting. Yes, two room, three bed suite. Yes please. Thank you so much! Have a good day!" Bailey hung up with a sigh and lowered her hand. "Okay,  _now_ you can yell at me." Sans looked like he had so much to say he didn't know where to start. Toriel snorted.

"Oh leave her alone Sans. Papyrus needs rest, and you need a vacation. She's helping you. Don't yell at her for that." Sans, seemingly broken out of his stupor, scowled but held up his hands placatingly. 

"fine, fine, i won't yell at you for making plans on my behalf without consulting me, but... you're the mysterious owner?  _you_ own the building??" Bailey sighed. 

"Yes, I own this building, along with a couple others, actually. I just don't advertise that fact though, so I'd appreciate if the two of you kept this to yourselves. It's better to keep the CEO of Blom Private Limited in mystery. Then I get to play the hardworking employee and nobody yells at me or holds a grudge! They get to curse out their frustration on a figurehead, nobody antagonizes me, I get to stay private, everyone's happy." Sans looked confused and suspicious.

"if you own the company and several buildings, then why do you work yourself to the bone working such long hours at the cinema? shouldn't you, y'know, have enough money to at least live comfortably in your own building?" Bailey sighed again. 

"Well, one reason is boredom. Another reason is that working like that helps me hide. Why I act the way I act is a long story, though, and right now we both have to pack for a stay of several days away from the house. Don't forget to pack things that will keep your brother entertained while he's stuck on the couch. If I go ahead, will you guys be okay getting there? Do you guys have transportation?" Sans still looked confused and suspicious, but now he looked overwhelmed, too. Bailey sighed again, turning to Toriel with an exasperated expression. Toriel looked amused. 

"I'll make sure they pack, my child. Papyrus has a convertible, but he shouldn't be going anywhere. Sans has other means of transportation, but he has his licence." Bailey nodded in acknowledgement. 

"Ok then. I'll go get things started, then I'll come pick you guys up. See you later!"

 

Sans watched as the whirlwind of chaos and duplicity left, while Toriel looked on chuckling.

* * *

**11:30am**

When Bailey pulled up in front of the duplex, Toriel was depositing the last of a small pile of duffel bags on the porch while Sans leaned against the wall, sulking. Bailey popped her trunk before getting out to help with the bags, since apparently Sans wasn't going to. She caught sight of a long, lanky form stretched out on the couch, but when she went to greet him, Sans blocked the way, stepping gin front of her with a particularly nasty grin. 

"my bro isn't feeling to well right now, considering he just got his head smashed in, so he's not up to taking visitors." Sans' tone betrayed the hidden threat. She shrugged, holding her hands up to show she wasn't a threat, and took a couple of steps backward, rolling her eyes. 

"Alright, alright, no need to be so protective. I'm no threat to you or your brother. All you needed to do was tell me to stay out." And with that she went back to ferrying bags. When she was done (not that it took very long), she went through her door and retrieved a bag of her own. "Shall we get this show on the road?"

 

Getting Papyrus in the car was a bit tricky. The young skeleton was still weak and injured, and his overprotective older brother wasn't helping. Sans didn't trust Bailey, and it showed- he didn't want her anywhere near his baby brother. It took having Bailey sit on the porch while he and Toriel helped the still dazed skeleton into the back seat. Toriel slid in beside him while Sans walked up to the waiting human. He watched as she snapped her phone shut.

"who was that?" Bailey shot him an exasperated look. 

"That was my manager. I had to tell him I'd be a little late today." Sans cocked a brow bone at her. 

"you're working today?"

"...Yeah?" His grin dropped a little before switching to a smirk. Bailey did not trust that smirk.

"oh no. you can't insist that others take a vacation without taking one yourself. that's just not cool."

"...What if I just want to be a childish hypocrite and tell you that you can't make me?" Sans' grin widened.

"sure," he replied. Bailey narrowed her eyes. That was too easy- and he was still wearing that smirk. "tori's going to come with for a little bit, to keep an eye on my bro, and probably you and i too. make sure that we aren't at eachother's throats and that sort of thing. she'll be sitting in back with my bro. since i assume you'll be driving - seeing as you're the only one who knows where we're going - that means i've got shotgun. but before i let you get anywhere near Papyrus, you and i are gonna have a little chat: here's a little friendly advice. if you're gonna mess with my bro... 

 **d o n ' t**

you'll have a bad time."

Bailey had never seen Sans' eyesockets so dark, or his accompanying grin so... ominous. The most Sans had ever achieved with her before was vaguely threatening. A weak threat that she had only scoffed at before. This... It occurred to Bailey that the King and Queen of Monsters might not be the only Boss Monsters to exist. The fact that such a power had made himself her neighbor was going to make her life... interesting. She watched as Sans put his normal face back on and walked back to the car, all thoughts of taking a vacation forgotten. 

* * *

**11:48am**

Sans was snoring away in the passenger seat while Papyrus babbled away excitedly in the back seat. He wasn't speaking at full volume though, a fact that had shocked Bailey when he had greeted her when everyone was finally in the car together. She didn't know the enthusiastic skeleton could speak that quietly. Sans was also bothered by the lack of volume if his tense posture and the furrow between the supposedly sleeping skeleton's eyesockets were anything to go on.

"And Then We Can Make Friendship Spaghetti And Become Friends! Oh Human! I Can't Wait For Our Vacation Together!" Suddenly the skeleton sitting beside her was no longer snoring. Toriel covered a snicker with a cough in the back seat.

"Sorry Papyrus, but I will be out most of the time, working. My hours are flipped from yours anyways, remember?" Bailey couldn't look - she  _was_ driving - but she could feel the accusatory stare from beside her. Could almost hear him too:   
_don't you make my brother cry._

"But Human! You Work All The Time! You Simply Must Take This Vacation With Us! After All, You Haven't Experienced The Famous Friendship Spaghetti Made By Myself, The Great Papyrus! I Insist!"

"yeah, he insists. you wouldn't want to disappoint my bro, would ya?" Again, the words were benign, the tone they were conveyed in less so. In light of the threats she was receiving, Bailey thought it a good idea to keep on the younger skeleton's good side. Besides, if she didn't take the time off, Papyrus would only act like a kicked puppy later, and even she wasn't _that_ heartless. She could see why Sans had dropped the matter on the porch steps- he was waiting for backup. 

"Fine, fine, you've got me. I still have to go in today, but I'll tell my manager I have a family emergency and need some vacation days."

"this also applies to your evening 'job' as well." Sans warned, seemingly enjoying his win.

"What?! I need that job! And I have responsibilities to uphold." There was a loud sound of disagreement from behind her while the skeleton beside her shot her a skeptical sideways glance.

"Unacceptable, Human! I Was Unaware That You Were Working Two Jobs! You Must Take This Vacation With Us! And Vacation Means Rest, Not Work!"

"Papyrus... I need that job."

"why?" Bailey risked a glance sideways at her passenger to see that the skeleton had turned completely sideways in his seat in order to study her. She would be in trouble if she hadn't anticipated this. Sans was entirely too smart.

"I don't make all my money off of my buildings. I make a lot from my 'evening job'. Besides, not all jobs are about the money."

"so... you like it?" There was absolutely no judgement in Sans' voice.

"Hell no!!"  
"Language!"

Despite his head injury, Papyrus was still Papyrus. Bailey sighed, then perked up when she saw their destination just ahead.

"We're here!" she cried, pulling into the parking lot. The relief in her tone was well hidden, but it didn't have to be- the three monsters just stared in awe up at the multistory hotel Bailey was parking beside.

"Wowie... HUMAN! WILL WE BE STAYING UP THERE?!" She winced. Papyrus at full volume was still deafening.

"sor-"  
"Yes Papyrus, we'll be staying all the way up there, near the very top. Make sure you don't fall! You'll scare the soul out of your brother." Papyrus merely grumbled while Toriel hushed him and fussed- apparently his loud voice was problematic to his magical concussion, which explained why he was keeping his voice quiet (for him). Sans, however, stared at Bailey in blatant, distrustful disbelief. That disbelief slowly morphed into shocked disbelief as she led the trio of monsters through the entryway and into the hotel. As his brother was sat in a wheelchair the hotel provided (under the watchful gaze of a motherly Toriel). As Bailey led them into the spiffy elevator. There were so many puns that Sans was missing, but he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that no one had challenged them yet.

"Hello, earth to space-cadet Sans." He blinked.

"wha-?"

"Yeah, nice to see you back above the Surface with us lazybones. This is your key-card. Little things are expensive to replace, so don't lose it." A bit dazed, Sans looked at the floor number on the elevator. 20, and still rising. He blinked again. He really, really needed to take some time and let everything sink in. 

 

On the 34th floor, Bailey led them down the hall to the last door on the right. 

"Well gents, welcome to our home away from home!" Bailey opened the door with a dramatic flair. Toriel pushed Papyrus' wheelchair in with Sans wandering in behind her. Both skeletons were awestruck. Toriel was focused on the skeletons, giggling quietly to herself at their reactions, though she did throw a grateful glance at Bailey, who had simply leaned against the kitchenette's partial wall/counter-top. 

"If you don't mind my asking, Bailey... How?" The question was phrased politely in Toriel's quiet voice, but white eyelights snapped to Bailey's face, the sparking blue magic betraying Sans' need to know the answer... and his paranoia. The human shrugged, smirking faintly. 

"I simply informed management of the fact that you are the queen of monsters and reminded them of the sheer amount of gold monsters have. Greed and networking did the rest." Papyrus looked like he wanted to start asking questions, so Bailey explained further. "They're hoping that by showing good service towards obviously close friends of the Royal Family, they'll have the chance to become preferred by said Royal Family, and where said Royal Family goes, other prominent monsters will follow. They get publicity, and the gold is an added incentive." All three monsters looked less confused and shocked, though Papyrus still looked lost. 

"But my child, isn't this rather... expensive?"

"No more than it would regularly be. My money simply smoothed the way." Sans simply shook his head. He still needed that time to take everything in. "Sans, Papyrus, your room is behind the door on the left, the one behind the room on the right is mine. Bathrooms are attached to each room individually, so no need to worry about running into eachother. Balcony is through the sliding glass door - please don't damage anything, Papyrus - and there's a singly burner, a toaster oven, and a mini-fridge in the kitchenette. Also, Papyrus? I found grocery bags with a receipt belonging to you on my doorstep- they're in the mini-fridge. Please don't put glitter in the spaghetti. Human digestive systems are allergic to it. Blankets and pillows are stacked on the couch to make your stay there more comfortable. The two of you can hook up your VCR to the TV whenever you guys want- once I get back, I'll hook up my laptop. Gaming consuls are not to be hooked up until Toriel gives the go-ahead. There should be a bundle on each of your beds, although which bed goes to whom is up to you." Bailey barely paused while she checked her watch. "Now, if you'll excuse me, seeing as it's 12:01, I really have to get going."

With that, Sans was left watching as the whirlwind of chaos and deception walked out the door for the second time that day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE (1/4/17): Found some spelling errors and changed the term "bonebrow" to its' official irl term "brow bone". Yay for realism for talking skeletons!


	4. Roomates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated writing this chapter. It kept trying to break the writing style for everything else and zoom extremely far out. It was a struggle not to broadbrush everything, but I've already decided on what style I'm going to use to write this story, and have written three chapters already in that fashion... it would be a bit much if it suddenly changed from journal-esque to 3rd omni broadbrush narrative. Plus, I don't like filler, so this mostly ended up as two important conversations and some of that thinking time for Sans. There should be some rousing action next chapter, though (thank gods).
> 
> I intended to post this the first, but my cat decided to lie down on my arms where I was lying in bed and it was impossible to type around him (he's 15+, so he gets away with mostly everything).
> 
> Also writing Papyrus' speech like this is a major pain.

**5:24am**

Sans sat on the railing of the balcony, legs dangling off the edge. He had slept fitfully, though he was thankful that his troubles had been nightmares rather than night terrors- he didn't want to trouble his brother, not when Papyrus was still having bouts of blurry vision and dizziness. Toriel had assured him that eventually those would pass and that everything was fine, with no lasting damage (they  _were_ skeletons), but still. Papyrus needed his rest.

Which led him back to his seat on the edge of the balcony, 34 stories above ground, dangling his legs as he thought. He wasn't afraid of the height - he used to sit like this at Waterfall - rather, he was awed by it. Their building was by far the tallest building around, and their suite was far up enough to clear some of the light pollution of the surrounding buildings. This was incredible (he wondered what the light pollution levels would be on the roof), and particularly relevant to the small but powerful hand-held telescope he was cradling carefully in his lap. Though small, the telescope was powerful enough that - mostly clear of the light pollution as he was - he could get a good view of the moon and the International Space Station (kinda) through it. He couldn't wait until the sun rose and made the issue of light pollution moot- he was making a bet with himself that it could magnify anything this side of the horizon. 

Despite his delight in the telescope (or perhaps because of it), a telescope that powerful, yet compact enough to be hand-held was... expensive. Extremely expensive. Yet he had found it lying in his bundle, along with several books on astronomy, and (weirdly) physics. His bundle had been in his color of cyan, tied with yellow string, while his brother's had been in Papyrus' orange, tied with a deep blue string. Papyrus' bundle had contained puzzles, mazes, boardgames- all things he knew his brother would love and would make the younger skeleton's enforced bed-rest easier. The bundles, the telescope, the hotel itself... Added all together, that was a lot of money. Spending that much money on simple neighbors spoke of having money to spare. Yet... who would work consecutive ten-hour shifts in a dead-end job they disliked, only to turn around and work as a professional escort (which they absolutely detested), if they had money to spare? And what was that bit about 'not all jobs being about money'? 

Sans knew when his questions were being dodged- after all, he was a master at dodging, in all its' forms. That Bailey had felt the need to dodge his question begged a question of its' own: Why? What was she hiding? And was her secret dangerous? Should he move his brother away from her? No... Papyrus still needed to rest (that was why he was on the balcony thinking after all). As for after he healed... Sans didn't want to admit it, but the skelebros really didn't have anywhere else to go. The duplex - Bailey's building - was the best place to live that was still inside the skeletons' price range, and Sans couldn't let his brother sleep on others' couches all their lives.

There was a restriction on the monsters' usual gold currency in order to keep inflation down and gold valuable. That meant that for every-day things - like food, utilities, and living-space - monsters had to use the humans' currency. That meant taking human jobs and earning human wages. Unfortunately, the humans tended to underpay their monster workers, and human landowners tended to overcharge their monster tenants. For that reason, many monsters stayed in the underground. Sans would be damned, however, if he made his brother stay in the Underground. If he was being honest with himself (which he did as seldom as possible- it made him ill), he didn't think he'd be able to handle staying underground. His normal nightly troubles had receded ever since they had moved out of that too-familiar setting. Those troubles had been replaced with others, but Sans had a feeling that he'd have had to deal with both sets of nightly trouble had they stayed. One set was all he could deal with at a time, thank you (though that pesky self-honesty told him that he couldn't even deal with the one). 

That meant staying with Bailey, in her under-priced duplex, and  _that_ meant dealing with her... and her secret. The woman was a mystery wrapped in an enigma shrouded in deception.  ~~He resolutely ignored the implied hypocrisy.~~ This was getting him nowhere. His thoughts were merely circling over and over, and the center of those thoughts wasn't even back yet. 

As if summoned by his thoughts, he heard the glass slider open and close behind him.

"Couldn't sleep?" He kept staring out towards the horizon, returning a question for a question.

"didn't sleep?" He heard her snort, seemingly amused, before she moved up beside him to rest her arms on the railing he was sitting on.

"Nah. Had a long day, manager bitched at me about taking the time off. Informed the agency that I would be indisposed for a while. Thanks for that, by the way- I got bitched at about that too. At least I gave them a warning. But congrats! For the next approximate week, you and your brother have me to yourselves." He looked at her, shocked. He hadn't really been expecting an answer. 

"...sorry. thanks for doing that for my bro."

"Yeah well, I know myself well enough to know that if I'd had to deal with one more spoiled brat of a customer, or one more of their self-entitled dinners, I'd have hurt someone. So thanks, I guess, for making me take this time off. Just make sure that  _you_ take time off too." She, too, was watching the horizon, the predawn light illuminating her features. 

"...why?" The question had been haunting him so much, he was almost unaware he had asked the question out loud. She shot him a confused sideways glance.

"You're going to have to elaborate a little more there, boneboy. Why what?"

"why do you care so much?"

 Everything about her seemed to freeze for a moment, like she had been put on pause, before she exhaled something suspiciously close to a sigh, and turned to him. 

"I've been searching for the right neighbors to share that duplex with for a long time. I've driven out everyone else. Once the soundproofing fixes the decibel issue, though, you guys fit just about everything. Besides, if I kicked out you, where would you go? You lot have been given the short end of the stick- my conscience would never be able to live with that." He eyed her suspiciously.

"you okay there bud? you're being awfully chummy and open." She snorted before looking away again, back to the horizon.

"Like I said, long day. And since I have no family, if I can't be 'chummy' with my neighbors, who can I? Don't worry, after some sleep, I'll be my normal stand-offish self again. Speaking of sleep, if Papyrus wakes up  and sees you not in bed, he'll have a conniption." She headed for the door. Sans sighed- she was right. He had to get at least some sleep in too. After all, he'd be looking after his bro all day, and Papyrus was the most energetic person he knew. 

"just one more thing." She paused, hand on the door handle, and looked back at him. He turned, sliding off the railing (balcony side, of course). "what's your real name?" She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. "i know you said we could call you bailey, but you were entirely too smug both times the name came up, and it's really bothering me." She snorted, then sighed, thinking about it for a couple of minutes while Sans waited patiently. 

"...You're right. My name isn't Bailey- that name is something of an inside joke, for reasons that are classified to you and everyone else. I... honestly, I don't really care what people call me, you included."

"so... you won't tell me your name."

"No, I just don't have anything I prefer to be called by."

"you... don't have a name?" She seemed to consider this for a moment.

"I mean, I have a name on my birth certificate, but... I guess you could put it like that."

"so what am i supposed to call you, then?"

"You could keep calling me Bailey."

"... how 'bout i call you 'kid'?"

"How 'bout no."

"you said i could call you anything."

"I'll let you in on a little secret- you're more likely to get a response out of me if the name starts with a b."

"okay... bud." She sighed.

"You're never going to let this go."

"nnnope."

Let's just go to bed." She opened the door and led the way inside, courteously holding the door open for him and closing it behind them. She locked the door as Sans headed for the bedroom he shared with Papyrus.

"Oh and Sans?" This time it was his turn to pause with his hand on a door handle and turn back toward her. "No matter what you or your brother hear,  _Do Not_ enter my room under any circumstances. I sleep with a weapon on my person and tend to wake easily and with a fight-or-flight response." She walked over and laid her hand on her own door, cracking it. "I'd hat to do anything I would regret while I was still half-asleep. Goodnight, Sans." And then Sans was left in the main room with his thoughts.

 

It was several minutes before Sans felt calm enough to enter his room and go to sleep.

* * *

**10:00am**

Bailey woke to quiet murmuring and her alarm. Immediately afterward came a quiet pounding on her door.

"Human?" She could tell the poor skeletal cinnamon roll was trying his best to stay as quiet as possible (for him). "I- I Was Wondering If, Perhaps, Now That You Have The Day Off... You'd Like To Share The Brunch Friendship Spaghetti With Us?" Poor Papyrus sounded so hesitant. Sans was probably having a conniption of overprotectiveness. Bailey groaned before hauling herself out of bed. 

"I'll be right there Papyrus, just let me freshen up a bit and change into something presentable."

"Oh, Okay! I'll Go Wake Up Sans And Then We Can Eat! Honestly, My Brother Is Such A Lazybones!" She could hear the difference her assurance made in his voice. 

 

When Bailey made it out of her room (she was rather slow in the mornings and her late night made her slower), Sans was sitting slumped over at the table while Papyrus bustled around the kitchen. Or rather, he  _would_ have been if Toriel hadn't been doing the bustling for him. Bailey was very glad she had put on decent clothing rather than wearing her ragged sleep-wear. 

"Good morning Toriel, Sans. Namaste, Papyrus."

"Good Morning, Human!"

"Good morning, my child."

Sans just raised a lazy hand, not even bothering to raise his head from its' position on the countertop. 

"Is It Ready, Lady Toriel?"

"Yes Papyrus, it is ready, go sit. Sans, please set the table. Please sit, my child." Sans grumbled a response before the plates flew out of their cupboard and set themselves, the forks soon to follow, all glowing cyan. Sans didn't even bother to raise his head, so Bailey grabbed his plate out of the air before it set itself on  _top_ of his head, while Papyrus berated him for being lazy.

"Give him some slack please, Papyrus. I kept him up rather late last night."

"Oh! Brother, Have You And The Human Become Friends Already? Wowie! I'm Very Glad My Brother And My Friend Could Become Friends! ...We Are Friends, Right Human?" Bailey didn't need Sans' sideways glare- she couldn't stand to hear that tone from Papyrus either.

"Yes Papyrus, we are friends." Papyrus' grin looked like it was going to split his face, but before he could say anything, Toriel gently set the steaming pot of spaghetti down on the hotplate at the center of thee small table.

"Din- er, Brunch is served." Papyrus' excited sockets trained on the pot.

"Wowie! Lady Toriel, It Looks Almost As Good As Mine! Thank you!"

"Thank you, Toriel."

"...thanks tori." Bailey shifted Sans' head so she could put his plate down and plate some spaghetti for him. Sans grunted and nearly face-planted in the spaghetti before she shifted it away.

"My child, won't you sit?"

"Not quite yet Toriel. I think many of us, myself and bonehead included, would appreciate a little coffee. Or in my case, tea."

"You don't have to-"

"Please Toriel, allow me."

"...Very well my child. I would like tea, please." 

"Alright, tea for her majesty, decaffeinated tea for the energetic, concussed skelly, and a wide-eye special for the lazybones." Bailey could nearly see the dots above Sans' head before he tilted his head and cracked an eyesocket in her direction.

"whaddya mean 'wide-eyed special'?" Bailey just grinned, the essence of mischief. 

"You'll see. By the way, what's your favorite drink?"

"...ketchup."

".....You're kidding me."

"nnnope."

"My Brother Is Not Japing You, Human. He Really Does Drink A Lot Of Ketchup." Bailey had to cough to cover up her laughter. The Great Papyrus looked so disgusted with his brother. 

"Well then, this is going to taste rather... interesting."

 

Bailey brought four different drinks to the table. She set an Earl Grey Cream down in front of Toriel; a sweet peppermint tea down in front of Papyrus; a catnip tea (brewed strong and drowned in honey) at her own place; and a somewhat murky concoction in front of Sans that he eyed warily.

"what. is  _that_ _?_ _"_

"My Wide-Eyed special, tailored especially for you. Enjoy!" Sans continued eyeing the drink dubiously as Bailey sat down.

"sure, but what  _is_ it?"

"Something you love and something that will wake you up, nearly guaranteed. Don't knock it until you have tried it." Wit one last dubious look between Bailey and her creation, Sans took a sip. Immediately, his brow bones rose and he shot the concoction and undecipherable look. 

"what under the stars  _is_ that?"

"...Ketchup and some espresso shots."

"..." Sans shrugged and took another sip, sitting up more as the other three began to eat and the caffeine began to kick in. 

"So what is the plan for today?" Bailey asked, savoring her bite of the spaghetti. Sans kept his focus on his food and drink while Papyrus looked to Toriel.

"Papyrus needs to rest, so nothing active. No consoles yet either." Papyrus looked disappointed while Sans looked relieved. "Something indoors that Papyrus can do while lying on the couch, I'm afraid."

"wanna take a nap with me, bro?"

"No! Only Lazybones Like You Take Naps In The Afternoon, Sans! Besides, You Just Had The Human's 'Wide-Eye' Special! Not Even You Can Sleep With Your Sockets Open!"

"you're right, bro, so whaddya wanna do?" Papyrus thought for a moment before lighting up with an idea.

"We Should Play One Of The Human Boardgames That I Found In My Bundle! Surely That Is Something I'm Allowed To Do, Lady Toriel!!" A night of rest seemed to have done Papyrus some good- he was a lot more energetic, seeming to vibrate in his seat. 

 _This_   _will be interesting,_ Bailey thought.  _An over-caffeinated Sans, a Papyrus on enforced bed-rest, and a mother-hen Toriel. What could possibly go wrong?_

* * *

**12:30am**

Papyrus wore himself out over a rousing game of Clue (he was very enthusiastic about finding the culprit and his brother had had an endless amount of puns), so by that afternoon, he was indeed napping on the couch with his brother. Bailey and Toriel had the photographic blackm- ahem,  _evidence_. 

The girls snickered to each other quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping skeletons.

"After this morning, Papyrus should have a quiet afternoon. Perhaps a soothing chamomile tea to help with relaxation and any headaches."

"If he wants it, he shall have it. Perhaps I could convince him to work on some of the books of mazes that showed up in his bundle. That's a quiet activity that is right up his alley, right?" Toriel smiled. 

"Yes, that is something that he is very enthusiastic about. Those bundles were a very useful and amazing gift, my child, and I am very glad to have helped you with them. On behalf of my friends and former vassals, thank you, for everything you have done. You have been very kind to them in a world that has been thoughtlessly cruel. I especially thank you on behalf of Sans- he has been extremely stressed lately over his brother's safety and well-being. I am glad that you have allowed them to rent your building." Bailey simply shrugged, looking rather uncomfortable with all the praise.

"Money is money, no matter the source. Besides, like I told Sans, I've been looking for suitable neighbors for a long time. All the candidates I've had were... unsuitable, for one reason or another. A few I've turned into the police myself. With the installation of the soundproofing fixing the one major issue I had with them, the skeleton brothers really do make great neighbors. The soundproofing was something I had been intending to do anyways, for my own enjoyment and to raise the quality of my building. The arrival of my new neighbors just... expedited the process. Now, if you'll excuse me Miss Toriel, I have paperwork I must do, and the best time to do it is while Papyrus is asleep." Toriel recognized the rather blatant change of subject for what it was. Studying Bailey's rather stiff posture and red face, she realized the human truly was that uncomfortable with Toriel's gratitude, so she decided to accept it at face value and move on.

"Very well my child. I must go retrieve my child from Asgore's house anyways." It took Bailey a moment to figure out which 'my child' referred to her and which referred to an actual child. "Their name is Frisk- perhaps you could meet them someday." Bailey inclined her head with a smile.

"I would be honored. Best of days, Lady Toriel."

"Thankyou, my child. You have a good day as well. Do not let Papyrus over-excite himself."

"I won't, I promise. Safe travels." And with that, Toriel left.

* * *

**10:45pm**

"i can't believe you."

"This is something I do every night, Sans, whether I work or not. I'm just going out a little earlier than I normally can."

"my bro approved of you doing paperwork only so you wouldn't have to do any later and because our little 'vacation' was so sudden. there's no way he'd approve of this."

"This doesn't count as work. This is something I do for myself."

"is that why you waited until after i'd read him his bedtime story to try?"

"Just because something is a responsibility doesn't make it work."

"a responsibility? you just said you were going out in the middle of the night for upwards of five hours for yourself and now you call it a responsibility."

"Something can be both personal and a responsibility!"

"oh really? explain then." Bailey made a frustrated noise.

"That's classified."

"uh-huh. i remain unconvinced."

"Sans, I'm not a child nor are you a parental figure to me. I neither need to explain nor validate myself to you. This is something I do every night unless I am physically unable to move, regardless of the obstacles."

"fine." Sans' eyelights were out and his grin was remarkably flat and tense (like his tone), almost as if he was grinding his teeth. Bailey stared at him a moment longer, as if seeing if he would attempt to continue the argument which had started wwhen he had asked where she was going in the middle of the night. Sans, however, just turned his back on her and walked away to plop himself down on the couch with a newly-acquired astro-physics book he had been studying earlier. Bailey sighed.

"Sans, while I appreciate your concern, this is one job that I cannot take a vacation from. I guess that makes it a good thing I love it so much, then. If it makes you feel any better, i will be home by 5:30, am, at the latest. I still have your cell number from when you approached me to rent the duplex- I'll text you if I'll be later than that. In the meantime, don't stay up too late worrying and studying heavenly bodies." Sans just grunted and flipped the page. After a moment, when it was apparent he wasn't going to do anything else, the human rolled her eyes and left.

 

He was napping on the couch where she had left him, book over his face, when she got home in the morning. 


	5. Blade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The promised action arrives! I can't believe how time flies when I'm writing these... I write them out by hand, then type them up in AO3. Thanks for the kudos!!
> 
> I will be embedding a link to a detailed skeletal diagram every time I use skeletal vernacular (other than "skull", that's p obvious). It brings you to a website to buy a poster- all you have to do is zoom in, then find the word I used.
> 
> Also, I might have hidden song lyrics around the chapter. Not verbatim, but... If you know the song and pay attention, you should be able to recognize them.  
> I didn't mean to, I swear!

**6:00am**

"BROTHER! LADY TORIEL SAID THAT WE COULD GO TO THE PARK TODAY!! I'M HEALED!!" Sans grumbled and tried to muffle the noise with his pillow.

"tha's grea' bro... we'll go.... laterrr....." The pillow was snatched away.

"SANS! DON'T BE A LAZYBONES! MARIO KART IS GREAT, AND I WILL DEFEAT YOU AND BAILEY AT THE GRAND PRIX AND MASTER RAINBOW ROAD THE NEXT TIME WE PLAY, I CAN FEEL IT! ...BUT THAT IS NO REPLACEMENT FOR EXERCISE!" Sans could hear b (as he was beginning to think of 'Bailey' as) grumbling - practically growling - in her room on the other side of the wall. He stopped trying to escape the inevitable. 

"sure it is bro. just let me go ketchup with my bodacious bud over a little wide-eye special." His brother nodded sagely for a moment before catching on. 

"SANS!!! IT'S TOO EARLY FOR YOUR PUNS!!"

"aww bro, it's  _always_ the time for puns."

"BROTHER? WHAT BROTHER? I HAVE NO BROTHER!"

"you're smiling bro."

"I KNOW AND I HATE IT."

Sans cackled. Teasing Papyrus woke him up faster than any amount of caffeine ever could, and he loved it. Before b could come flying out of her room at the early-morning racket, he teleported the short distance to knock on her door, ignoring his brother's indignant squawk. 

"hey bud, wanna come with us to the park?" There was a pause.

"Will there be peace and quiet?" Sans snorted.

"at the park? with my brother? probably not. and we have a friend who is just as loud as Paps and just as excitable. the two of them together are pretty... explosive." Sans listened to a couple of growled curses that he was sure he wasn't supposed to have heard and snickered.

"...No thanks. I think I'll go back to sleep. Try to regrow my humanity, maybe even my sense of humor if we're lucky." 

"you didn't have a sense of what's humerus to begin with."

 _"Sans"_ , b growled, "if you don't leave me alone to sleep, you're going to regret your next wide-eyed special!" He chuckled. 

"yeah, yeah, i get it, big, tough, and scary. if you don't come 'round to the park later you're gonna make my bro disappointed." More half-grumbled, half-growled curses. Sans smirked. Over the course of the week or so that they had been roommates, Sans had learned that while b was intractable on the house rules she had created, she was soft on his brother. 

"...Fine," came the grudging response. "Later. At a reasonable time. After I get some  _sleep."_ That last was a snarl, so Sans just snickered again and walked away. 

"c'mon bro, let's go eat breakfast a that new cafe. my treat."

* * *

**1:30pm**

Bailey arrived at the playground in the middle of the afternoon, a lot more refreshed and sociable than she had been that morning. 

"HUMAN! I SEE YOU HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED! NOW I MAY INTRODUCE YOU TO MY OTHER FRIENDS!" Bailey sidestepped the bear hug that Papyrus rushed her with.

"HUMAN? DO YOU NOT WISH TO BE HUGGED BY ME?" Bailey put a comforting hand on his [radius](http://www.allposters.com/-sp/The-Skeletal-System-Anatomy-and-Physiology-Science-Chart-Posters_i9765257_.htm), but she was interrupted by another shouting voice before she could reply to comfort him. 

"NGAAAAH! NO ONE CAN DISLIKE YOU PAPYRUS, NOT EVEN THE HUMANS!! AND ANY HUMAN WHO DOESN'T IS NOT WORTH YOUR FRIENDSHIP! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HURT MY FRIENDS!!" Bailey sidestepped the grab made by the muscle-bound fish monster.

"My apologies, Papyrus, but I am not big on being touched, and I dislike close touch. As for you..." Bailey looked the fish monster up and down, eyes narrowed. "...Miss, never assume anything about me. Nor do I appreciate being grabbed by a stranger. If you had not obviously known Papyrus, I would most likely have reacted much differently. And that would have had a happy ending." Her tone was as cold as when she had met Papyrus for the first time, but much sharper than any tone she had used against either of the skeletons. Papyrus had on a worried expression and the fish looked like she might explode, but Sans walked up before anything else could happen. 

"what's going on here?"

"THAT HUMAN SNUBBED PAPYRUS!!" Sans raised a brow bone at Bailey, who looked rather ticked off by the whole thing. 

"I sidestepped a hug from him. I was about to explain I  _don't like being touched_ when I got  _attacked_ by the fish." The 'fish' in question laughed. 

"IF I HAD ATTACKED YOU, YOU'D KNOW IT!" Sans sighed and scratched his skull. 

"An unwanted surprise grab from a complete stranger counts as an attack." Bailey's voice was far colder and sharper than anything Sans had heard from her, ever.

"actually," Sans cut into the newly re-brewing argument, "i'm surprised that spears haven't started flying already. bailey, meet undyne, captain of the royal guard, Papyrus' trainer. undyne, meet our landlady and current roommate at the regal hotel. she doesn't really care what you call her as long as it starts with a b."

"HOW 'BOUT I CALL HER 'BI-"  
"undyne... what have i told you 'bout swearing in front of my bro?" Sans' eyelights had gone out, but his voice didn't drop- a silent warning that went unnoticed only by Papyrus himself. The fish - Undyne - paled  and took a step away from both Papyrus and Bailey, who for her part took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then released it in a big whoosh of air. When she spoke again, she sounded noticeably more like normal self.

"My apologies for the misunderstanding Papyrus. I have a severe dislike of close touch and don't like being touched in general- comes with living on the edge of the roughest part of town, I guess."

"APOLOGIES ACCEPTED, HUMAN. I'M SORRY- I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE." The young skeleton turned to Undyne, expectation clear on his face. Sans also turned to Undyne, but he had blanked all of his expression from his own face. The fish just looked frustrated and a tad mutinous, but eventually she gave in to Papyrus' ideals of her.

"NGAAAAH! ... Fine." Bailey blinked- it was the first time Undyne had talked in anything other than a shout. "I'm sorry for shouting at you, human. Also sorry for 'attacking' you." Papyrus beamed while Bailey blinked again. While there was much derision at the idea that being grabbed could be considered an attack, there was no dishonesty in Undyne's tone.

"... Apology accepted, Captain. And, as we are both friends of Papyrus, I believe we should get along, don't you?" The unvoiced _'for him'_ was heard by everyone but Papyrus himself. 

Undyne just ground her teeth together in a smile that was more like a grimace.

* * *

**3:30pm**

Bailey and Sans ended up sitting on a picnic table while Papyrus and Undyne did 'training' with a bunch of kids from the park. The 'training' consisted mostly of jumping jacks and stretches and lots and lots of running. Sans took a nap (Bailey didn't blame him- he'd stayed up waiting for her, then gotten up much earlier than her). Bailey just watched the training, enjoying the sun and the happily excited children. 

"ALRIGHT HUMANS, READY FOR THE GAME OF TAG?" Sans sat up at the sound of his brother's voice.

"uh oh." Bailey looked at him confused. 

"What?"

"my brother's game of tag is a bit... different. everyone is 'it', and everyone is fair game... including us. i usually get swarmed because i'm too lazy to run away, but i know you wouldn't like to be, so-"  
"EVERYONE READY?!"

Bailey's eyes widened in alarm.

"GO!!!"

Without warning, Sans found himself scooped up in a fireman's carry as Bailey took off. Through shock-blanked sockets, he saw a veritable hoard of children - led by a very excited Papyrus and enthusiastic Undyne - chasing them. 

"run faster" he told his fleeing transportation. Her only reply was to run up and over a picnic table. Sans watched the hoard part around the table.

Then they were running up something and hurtling off the other side of it in a might leap - he had a split-second to see they had jumped off the back of a park bench - before they came to a jarring stop mid-air. Then Sans was being pushed  _up_ and  _out_ to sit in something - a tree, he saw - before Bailey hauled herself up to join him on his tree-branch. Not a second too soon, either- she was huffing lightly, and moments later the hoard filtered to a stop, lots of little faces - and two big ones - turned up to look at them.

"WOWIE! LOOK, BROTHER, YOU'RE TALLER THAN I AM NOW! THE TWO OF YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY, BUT YOU GAVE US A CHASE! I GUESS YOU WANTED TO PLAY AFTER ALL! THANK YOU! BUT NOW YOU SEEM TIRED, SO WE'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE!" The younger skeleton turned toward the children. "IT'S ALMOST TIME TO GO, SO I'LL RACE EVERYONE BACK TO THE PARK GATE! REMEMBER NOT TO LEAVE WITHOUT YOUR PARENTS! READY! SET!! GO!!!" Everyone except for Undyne raced off.

"... Nice moves, Bitch" Was all she said before racing off after everyone else, yelling about 'headstarts'. 

". . . welp. that was a thing that happened. how do we get down?" Bailey looked at him sideways.

"Can't you just-"  
"nope"

"Why not?"

"too lazy. plus, you got us up here." The look turned into a glare.

"Really?"

"yup."

"That's just childish."

"yup." She sighed and looked around, thinking. She shuffled them out a bit farther on the branch they were sitting on before slipping him over the side to carefully lower him until he was dangling at the end of her arm. Other than clutching her hand with his, Sans could have been sleeping for all he did. By the simple expedient of lowering  _herself_ down until she was only holding on with her hand, she lowered him further- and then she let him go. Sans' eyes flew wide in alarm, but it was only a second until his feet touched the park bench she had used to vault up into the tree in the first place. As soon as he was safely down, she swung herself up and over the bench to land on the ground beyond it, rolling upright again and dusting herself off.

"i can't beleaf you just did that." Bailey just rolled her eyes. Sans could see the white in the gathering dusk of evening. 

"Well how  _else_ was I supposed to get you out of that tree? I was going to have to drop you  _somewhere_." Sans scoffed.

Both turned at the sound of running footsteps. Papyrus and Undyne ran over, Papyrus trying to catch his breath.

"You really need to start training again, Papyrus! Just a measly little run from the gate and you're already out of breath!" 

"TH -  _huff_  - THEN -  _huff -_ I'LL -  _huff_  - RUN AROUND -  _huff_  - THE PARK!" Bailey looked uneasy.

"You guys really shouldn't be out after dark- especially in the park. I know the children just went home, but some really shady people come out once the sun goes down."

"NGAAAAAH! Papyrus can handle a few shady people, and even if he can't, Sans won't let him go alone. ...But I agree with the human. I've heard that the park becomes a real den of nastiness at night." Undyne looked like she'd rather not have said that last. Sans himself was worried. Papyrus seemed to consider it for a moment.

"...FINE, BUT I INSIST ON WALKING HOME. NONE OF YOUR SHORTCUTS, BROTHER!"

"really bro? we can just go home and come back tomorrow- you've already been training all day. you don't want to overdo it a day outta recovery."

"YES REALLY, SANS." Undyne looked a little wistful and a little regretful.

"I'd go with you, but I have to go walk Alphys home from the university." Undyne's face became grim. "She's not strong like the rest of us- she can't defend herself from 'shady people'." Papyrus laid a hand on Undyne's shoulder, his face also serious. 

"GO. PROTECT ALPHYS. I WILL ONLY WALK HOME WITH SANS, I PROMISE." Undyne smiled, relieved. 

"Umm... I also can't stay to walk with you guys. Not that I think you should be walking now that the sun is down. Can't you guys take a cab or something?" Papyrus just shook his head mutinously. Bailey sighed. "Fine, fine. Just go straight back to the apartment and stay under the streetlights, okay? Pay attention to the shadows. If bad people show up, you run as far and as fast as you can, okay? And if you can't run, fight."

"what about you?" Sans was eyeing Bailey oddly. "if it's so dangerous for us, why are you going off alone?" Bailey sighed.

"I walk these streets every night and no one touches me. I have very powerful friends. I actually have to go meet one of those friends right now- I'll see you back at the hotel. Stay. Safe. Okay?" Papyrus nodded. Sans stared at her with an inscrutable look on his face. Bailey looked at them one last time before taking off running out the gate.

"...What was that about?" Undyne stared after her. 

"SHE'S JUST WORRIED ABOUT US," Papyrus said sagely.

"Yeah, but, like, why? She's a human, and we're monsters, so why?"

"SHE CARES."

* * *

**4:42pm**

Sans was tired. They had been walking for at least half an hour and he was honestly starting to drag his feet a little. Who knew that the hotel was this far away from the park? Or that there were so many shadowy allies that led off of the streets they were using. Honestly, it felt like his head was on a swivel. Heh. He could probably turn that into a joke later. It would take a little effort, but the reaction from his bro would be worth it. His bro always had the best reactions. 

"UH... SANS?"

Except that one. That one was not a good one- not one Sans ever wanted to hear again. His brother should never sound afraid. Sans looked up and ahead. 

Standing in front of them, clear as day in the streetlight, was a man holding what Sans recognized as a gun. It isn't possible for bone to pale, but his skull tried its' best. He didn't know if his magic could protect him from a gun, let alone his brother.

"Paps. run."

"Oh, yah won't be doin' any runnin' tonight, monsteh," The man sneered. "Not that yah  _could_ out run this lil' beauty here. Nor will yah be able tah do any runnin' when  _we're_ done with yah." A jeering crowd faded out of the shadows. 

"Sans..." Sans' eyelights went out at Papyrus' whimper, his temper snapped. These humans had  **no** idea what they were dealing with.

"Ooooh, spooky. Aren't yah a scary skeleton?" The humans laughed. 

"walk away, or you're gonna have a    **b a d   t i m e .** " The humans laughed harder.

"The only people who're gonna have a bad time here are youse monstehs. Oh wait, I forgot- monstehs ain't people. Woops!" The crowd cackled again. The man raised the gun, his voice turning darker. "Buh bye."

Sans felt his eye light up-  
But he wasn't going to make it in time-

There was a sound, a meaty  _thunk_. Everyone stared at the knife sprouting from the man's wrist as the gun fell from suddenly nerveless fingers. The clatter of metal on pavement as it hit the ground woke everyone from their shocked stupor. There were startled exclamations from the crowd. The man clutched his arm to his chest, biting off a scream. 

"Come now Jon" a new voice said. "You know better than to pull a gun on a victim. In my territory, no less." A person, clad head to toe in mottled black, seemed to melt out of the shadows. One moment, there was nothing there, the next they were striding forward to stand under the streetlight between the two skeletons and the gang. Nothing about them gave any sort of personal details away- their clothing hid any bodily features, and their voice revealed neither their gender nor their age, and had an odd flat quality to it that made Sans thin it was computer generated. "Now what have I told you lot about attacking innocents, hmm? I hope you remember the consequences." The figure's words sounded like a grandmother's, scolding her grandchildren.

 _"Blade_ _"_ , the man hissed, cradling his injured arm to his chest as it dripped blood onto the pavement. The look he was giving the interloper was of pure, frustrated hatred. 

"That's what you lot call me! Well, you and the police. Now, since Jon has already been punished for the gun, and no one had actually been attacked yet, I think I might let you lot off easy tonight. Leave now, and you might just get away scott free. Oh, and Jon? I'm fairly sure I hit an artery. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that knife out just yet and get a healer to tend to you as soon as possible. Not the healer behind me, though. You won't ever be going near these gentlemen again, will you?" The man - Jon - hissed and sputtered, but the crowd seemed to dislike the idea of facing the vigilante- Blade. Only a few took them up on their offer to leave early, though.

"Y-You! Yah would protect-  _them?!_ But they're-"  
"I would remind you what I did to the last gang who harmed a skeleton? You already know the punishment is worse when the same offense happens a second time." Even Sans felt shivers go down his spine at Blade's tone, and he had faced (and done) much worse, nor was he the target. A few more of the crowd broke and ran, this time fleeing at full speed.

"Oh yah? Well, we're bigger than that lil' group anyways." This Jon fellow either was not easily intimidated or not very bright. Probably both. "Get 'em!"

"If you wish." There was a smile in the vigiliante's tone. They spread their arms out as if accepting a big group hug- and the streetlight blew out with a blinding flash and a deafening pop.

Immediately, Sans grabbed his brother and started dragging him away towards where he remembered the closest alley was. He could hear the humans crying out in surprise and few, then in fear, pain, and anger. That, paired with a few screams and demonic giggling, told him there was a fight that he Did Not want to be involved in (let alone involve his brother in) going on under the darkened streetlight. If only he could find that alleyway...

Behind him, the noises trailed off and the streetlight flickered back on. Sans looked back at the sudden light, looking for enemies, but only saw crumpled bodies, disassembled guns, a few knives, and blood. Lots of blood. He turned back around and came face to face with crimson eyes.

"Hello." Sans bit back a yell and shoved Papyrus behind him, soul going into hyper-drive. The only reason he didn't attack with his magic was because the person - Blade - sat on their hands on the ground. It also helped that when he peeked at their soul, it was a rosy golden color, more yellow than red. Still, Sans let his magic flash in his socket in clear warning.

"Oh pish tush, if you don't attack me or threaten innocents, you have nothing to worry about from me." They slowly reached up to pull the bottom part of their face mask off to reveal a smile before placing their hand back under their leg. "Glad a little birdy told me you gentlemen would be walking home tonight, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to shadow you. Glad I did, though. That gang was new, but their leader Jon was an old hand and a nasty piece of work." Sans noticed with a sort of detached interest that, though they spoke, their mouth never opened. He'd wonder about it later, though, when Paps was out of danger. "Little Birdy also told me that you have a really quick method of safe transportation. If I were you, I'd take my advice and use that transportation. No sense in letting them - or rather, someone else - try again." They stood up and dusted their hands off before pulling their mask back up to cover their mouth. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. Nice chat." Sans didn't stick around to watch the vigilante disappear back into the shadows- he took Papyrus home through the shortcut as quickly as possible. 

"Sans..." Papyrus said once they were home, voice unusually quiet.

"y-yeah, bro?" Sans tried to hide his thundering magic and stuttering soul from his brother. He didn't quite succeed. He yelped when Papyrus picked him up in a firm bear-hug.

"I'm alive. You're alive. We're both safe. This place is safe. There's no more danger." Slowly, Sans relaxed against his brother, peeking at his brother's healthy soul and feeling Papyrus' strong magic against his bones.

"...yeah bro. thanks."

"MY PLEASURE!" Papyrus beamed, but then his expression grew thoughtful again. "Sans... I think that person was there when the humans cracked my skull. And I think they saved me."

_"what?!?!"_

* * *

**6:00pm**

Sans was flipping through the channels on the TV, looking for something to watch while Papyrus finished dinner (spaghetti, of course), when he saw the man's face plastered on the six o'clock news.

 

_\- have captured this man, Jon 'Ripper' Thanek, who stands accused of murder, attempted murder, aggravated assault, and assault with a deadly weapon, among other things. The police say that they have enough evidence to put Mr. Thanek behind bars for life. They did not address the rumor that Mr. Thanek was seriously injured during the course of his capture and declined to comment on the rumor that this was the work of a vigilante. Now back to you-_

 

Sans could only stare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to the Toby Fox radio on Google Play, and 'Spear of Justice' came on while I was typing Undyne's dialogue, and then 'Oase de Dans' (a remix of 'Bonetrousle') came on just as I started to type Papyrus' dialogue... The Universe can be scary.
> 
> Also, Writing Undyne is HARD.


	6. Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I told someone that I was going to try to keep the Undertale cast as close to the originals as possible. That is still true- but I've come to realize that that is extremely hard to do when the circumstances that cast are in are very different from the original circumstances they were created in. So I've had to come up with a couple headcanons in order for this story to work. 
> 
> Explanations of one of them that is relevant to this chapter are in the notes at the end of the chapter where they can't spoil anything.

**8:00pm**

It was a quiet night, not much stirring. Bailey had the day off from the theater, and she didn't have any requests from the agency either. She was enjoying a quiet evening, sitting in the darkened household watching the night sky outside her window while she sipped some tea. She'd go out later, sure, but for now, she was going to enjoy the quiet. She'd probably end up going out for her nightly haunt early, anyway, so there was no reason not to enjoy the stars before she did. And with the soundproofing having recently been finished, she could enjoy her evening at home... quietly. The skeletons on the other side of the soundproofing could enjoy their evening - whatever they did for their evening - without her getting upset if Papyrus got too excited.

Speaking of skeletons... Sans had met the vigilante. Actually, the morning after he'd sent Papyrus off to train with Undyne and confronted her about it. Not even her skills at verbal dodging were enough to get around the questions he had thrown at her, and Sans was not to be distracted. The only way she could have gotten out of the conversation would have been to lie, and she wouldn't do that. Lies of omission and misdirecting truths were as close as she was willing to come. Inevitably, Sans had come to the conclusion that she was the "Birdy" that the vigilante had mentioned. She never outright said it, but all it took were her half-answers and the few questions she had absolutely refused to give a response to. She had been right in her initial assessment of him- Sans was entirely too smart.

At least they had been able to go back to being duplex neighbors instead of roommates only a few days later. They'd actually tested the soundproofing by having Papyrus stand in a room and shout at the top of his (non-existent) lungs while they stood on the other side of the wall. Bailey had returned the favor by playing some of her heavy bass music as loud as it would go. Nary a whisper. The only flaws in the new soundproofing were the windows and doors, and that was acceptable- windows and doors were made to let things in and out, and she'd rather keep it that way.

  
...Sans had met the vigilante. It was a fact that her mind had kept circling back to over and over, something that invaded her thoughts whenever she had a quiet moment to think and had exhausted all other topics. It was... troublesome, and rather worrying. It was kept hush-hush, but she traveled in some very high social circles (courtesy of the agency), where there was a rumor that monsters could see souls- it was said that not all monsters could, but the more powerful the monster, the more likely they could see and affect one's soul. Bailey had no doubt that Sans was a  _very_ powerful monster. If the rumors were true, then Sans very well could have seen the vigilante's soul. That would help him figure out the vigilante's identity... And  _that_ would be unacceptable. At the rate everything was going-

She was watching the stars, but her vision wasn't limited to the sky. Something glinted in the streetlight at the edge of it, a metallic glint that didn't belong-

  
_O holy stars-damned mother of all gods on a cracker._

  
Or that was what she would have thought, if she'd had the time to think ore react to what she was seeing. But she didn't have time for that. She just  _moved-_ throwing herself out her door and in through the skeletons'. 

* * *

**8:28pm**

Sans was having a good evening. He and his brother were finally back in their own space at the duplex. His brother was alive and healthy, and safe- and making Sans his notorious spaghetti. Sans resolved to visit Grillby's later. Papyrus stepped outside the kitchen and opened his mouth, perhaps to ask his brother something. Sans would never know, because b burst through the door at that moment. 

"wha-"  
"HUMA-"  
_**" DOWN!"**_

The human threw herself at the taller skeleton, who, startled, just stood there - he had further to go - tackling him to the floor. 

The hail of bullets started smashing through the front of the house before they hit the floor, Sans only a beat behind them. His startled curse was almost lost in the thunder of bullets and the sound of the house being decimated around them. b started army crawling towards the brother's kitchen, dragging Papyrus with her. The tall skeleton was limp in her hold- he'd hit the ground rather hard when she tackled him. Sans was grateful- this wasn't something he wanted his little brother to deal with. He'd also rather his brother unconscious than... the alternate- but given his rathers, he'd rather this _not be happening at all_. He followed them behind the counter.

"what the hell is happening?" He was practically snarling. He felt his magic reacting, but he had no where to send it- b was evidently in just as much danger as them. She cautiously sat up a bit in the relative shelter the counter created. 

"First off, I reinforced the kitchen counters in this building, so this should offer some protection as long as we don't stand up. Second, that's a light machine gun at the very least, in the hands of people who obviously don't care what they have to do to as long as we end up dead. Luckily, said people think we're trapped on this side of the house and should be leaving the other side alone." She shifted Papyrus into Sans' hold (something Sans was not at all against). Then she started knocking on the wall.

"what are you-" Sans abruptly cut himself off when b pulled a knife out of her boot and slammed it into the wall. For a second, it wasn't the wall she slammed it into- but then he shook off the memory. It wasn't until she was mostly done and attempting to saw through a strut that he fully got over his initial reaction and realized what she was trying to do:   
She was trying to get them out.

He still wasn't at all okay with her casually having a knife on her person that nobody knew about. However, in interest of saving their lives (and more importantly, his brother's), he would (try) to get over his issues and help. 

She'd gotten surprisingly far when Sans' brusquely pushed her out of the way. Magic was all about intent- and his intent was to  _make a hole in the wall_. Specifically, one big enough for the three of them to escape through, but magic didn't care about things that specific- it just made the hole in the wall. 

"..." b stared at the medium-sized hoe. "Well, that was informational. And quick and easy." Her eyes stared into Sans' skull as she moved to take Papyrus back. Sans wasn't really keen on letting a knife-wielding human hold his brother, though. "Oh for heaven's sake. You and your brother are about as safe from me as a person on this planet can get." She snorted as Sans continued to glare at her. " _Fine_." She threw her knife through the hole so it was far out of reach. "You go through the hole. I'll pass Papyrus to you, and then come through myself." Bullets had begun to chew through the edge of their shelter. b was shifting restlessly.

Sans gave her one last glare, but what was she going to do- throw Papyrus to the bullets taring apart half her building after she'd thrown herself out of the line of fire? Not even he could give into his paranoia on this one with his brother's life on the line, and he had to admit that it'd take two people to get his brother's limp body through the hole. So he went through- and promptly had Papyrus' torso thrust into his arms. He pushed, b pulled, and after a couple of seconds they go the (very) tall skeleton through the not-so-large hole. She threw herself through after them, and not a moment too soon- the bullets were beginning to wear through more than just the edges of their former shelter. Not to mention the amount of bullets that were beginning to ricochet off the remains of other bullets- the gang was pumping a lot of slugs into the skeletons' half of the building and were continuing to pump more. The two of them sprawled, panting after their close call while Papyrus (thankfully) remained unconscious. Sans (finally) had some time to think rather than just react.

"...why didn't i just teleport us to safety?" He could really smack himself for his stupidity sometimes. 

"And let the motherfuckers go free?" b snorted. "Like hell I'm leaving those out there. Shit like them come back, you know!" A weird look crossed her face before she looked away and sighed. "...And I forgot you could teleport, okay? Otherwise I would have asked you to take Papyrus out of there."

 _Papyrus._ Not herself, not even the two of them. She would have asked him to save his brother and himself, but not  _herself_. 

But could words be trusted without action?

"..." Sans was having trouble processing again. The human seemed to make it a habit to do this to him. It took him a moment to realize b was muttering to herself before she seemed to come to some sort of decision and groaned. 

"This is really supposed to be a secret, but you're too observant and far too smart- you'd figure it out eventually, so I might as well come clean now." Her words were not making Sans feel safe. The source of his discomfort sat up and stretched, careful to keep herself below the edge of the window of the living room they had cut their way into. "Do me a favor? Stay back and keep an eye on your brother. Don't get involved, just- just watch, and if you feel like moving away after this, I won't hold it against you. I _have_ picked up on your... avid aversion to knives, you know. I just ask you keep my secret." Sans grumbled, momentarily (but not completely) distracted from his confusion and growing worry over her words. His confusion only grew as she slid towards the front door.

"hey b? think you're runnin' the wrong way there." Instead of going to the front door, though, she carefully opened the front closet instead. From that front closet, she pulled out-  _was that a **gatling** gun?!_

Sans stared at the kind of gun he'd only seen in movies as b unfolded it and locked it into place. It was, indeed, a modern gatling gun she had just pulled out of her closet... How did someone like  _'Bailey'_ have something like  _that?!_

"Rose, status check."

[[I am active, Bee.]] A female electronic voice that Sans had never heard before and that seemed to come from the house itself replied to her.

"Report." 'Bailey' re-entered the closet.

[[I am full active and operational. Structural integrity of the House is at fifty percent. Sensors indicate a large group of hostiles across the street. Ten to fifteen bodies- too much interference to get a good read. Looks like they intend to invade after they pummel us with their ordnance. Good news there- I doubt they have any heavy weapons other than what they've already opened up with. There is a very high percent chance they would have opened up with it as well and a small to vanishing percent chance they will have kept it back, so you shouldn't have to deal with any rocket launches or grenades. Home defense is at fifty percent, in lockstep with structural integrity, but seeing as you'll only be defending the half of the house still standing, I will be able to provide full support. End Report.]] Sans stared.

The person who walked out of the closet wasn't their mysterious, highly eccentric neighbor. The person who walked out of the closet was the mysterious, highly dangerous vigilante, Blade. The vigilante's head gear was either pulled off or pulled back, so without the mask, Sans could finally see... Their mysterious, eccentric neighbor was one of the most notorious and dangerous vigilantes in the state, quite possibly the region. 'Bailey' was 'Blade'. 

"stars..." Sans breathed. b just grinned.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer." She buckled a neck piece. When she spoke again, it was in the curiously genderless electronic voice of Blade. "Sorry about springing this on you, but, well, I had no choice, and you would have figured it out soon enough once you'd met me while I was working. I prefer those who know my identity to call me Bee, though- only outsiders call me 'Blade'." She pulled what looked like a high-tech pair of goggles over her eyes- when she looked at him again, her pupils were glowing red, but this close (and having seen the transformation happen) he was calmly able to see that the glowing red eyes were the effect of the electronics. The last thing she put on was the mouth piece; then she became Blade's - Bee's - signature genderless, ageless figure.

"Honey, do your job. Give your report through Rose's speakers." The house's electronic female voice grumbled a bit while a new, electronic male voice answered the vigilante.

[[the enemy didn't  _bring_ very many electronics with them, but the individuals did... how  **very** stupid of them. i have complete control of all hostile tech with internet access- locking out outside control now.]]

"Good. Rose, target hostile ordnance, but only their ordnance."

[[Acknowledged. Targeting hostile ordnance in three... two...]] Bee calmly stepped away from the gun. Sans dulled his hearing. [[one.]] The gun opened fire.

"Rose." Somehow the vigilante's voice was audible above the gun's thunder- maybe it was connected to the speakers. "Cease fire and give me a 10-second sensory burst on my signal. Honey, comply with her. Acknowledge."

[[Acknowledged!]]  
[[ten-four]]

"Good." She backed up a couple of steps and leaned forward, aiming towards the windows that had automatically opened to accommodate the firing of the gun. "Activate in three... two... one- Go!"

Night turned to day as hidden spotlights surged to life. Silence turned to shrieking chaos as hidden speakers spat hell's own conglomeration of static and other audio chaos. The vigilante threw herself into that chaos, moving much faster than any other human Sans had ever seen. He rushed to the window, but she was already gone- and the night outside was too chaotic to see anything.

Then everything just abruptly shut off, and the night was blacker, the silence more deafening, from the light and sound that had existed moments before. Save for one thing.

  
"What do you lot think you are doing? Did you think the personage and property of one of my contacts wouldn't be protected by me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Sans and Bailey are pinned by enemy fire, Sans doesn't just teleport them out of there. Why?
> 
> I think the way Sans fights is reactionary. He doesn't fight except if there is absolutely no other choice, and when he does, he fights with his emotions. Throwing the human around does a lot of damage, but it tires him out far too fast. He does it because of his frustration and anger. His magic/soul are cyan with flashes of yellow; he is patient and just. So why doesn't he outlast the human or teleport them into the lava? For that matter, why doesn't he teleport out of the way of the knife? His use of attacks to interrupt dialogue should point out that he isn't above cheating to win. Other than saying that Undertale is a game that needs to be winnable, the other way of explaining this is that Sans is reacting.

**Author's Note:**

> All writing, editing, and proof-reading is done by myself, so if you see a grammatical or spelling error, please sing out!
> 
> Comments help keep me focused on writing and give me Determination, even if you just say hi! Reviews help my writing improve! 
> 
> Please rate and review!


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